


Come And Fill My Empty Arms

by love_killed_the_superstar



Series: the debt of our time [3]
Category: W.I.T.C.H.
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, C.H.Y.K.N. Era, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6319354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_killed_the_superstar/pseuds/love_killed_the_superstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“...Do you think Kandrakar discriminates towards girls like us?” Halinor asks somewhat casually as they move back upstairs, hand in hand.<br/>“Well, if the Oracle is all-seeing surely he's already seen us,” Kadma says with a shrug. “If he had a problem with it he'd probably find some way to punish us. So far, I think we're good.”<br/>Kadma pecks Halinor on the head, so softly, so quickly, that it feels like the breath of an angel.</p><p> </p><p>(Five times Kadma and Halinor nearly say 'I love you', and one time they finally do.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come And Fill My Empty Arms

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote a reeeeeeally long kalinor fanfic!!  
> this kind of dips in and out of the timeline i've created in my mind (idk if i'll ever map out their entire guardian years, but maybe some day...) but it covers between 1961 (two years after becoming guardians) until 1966 (the night they are removed from kandrakar). there is also a reference to a scene featured in my other fanfic, instruments of balance, which probably needs to be read first for the 1965 segment of the fic to be understood.  
> the four tops song mentioned a few times is 'without the one you love (life's not worthwhile)'. it's cheesy as hell and also really stood out to me as kalinor, so yeah, just in case you needed some mood music.

_196 **1.**_

 

“Dating is for squares,” Kadma huffs. “I'll never see the point in it.”

“You're just being contrary,” Halinor assures her, trying to be sympathetic, though she can barely hide her giggles. “It's only been five minutes. I'm sure he'll show!”

Yan Lin is, as always, waiting for a date. This guy in particular, a certain Anthony Hornby, is notorious for skipping out on dates since he accepts every date thrust upon him, whether or not he likes the girls. However, he at least knows Yanny by name since they’re lab partners, so she reckons she had a shot. Of course, this is the third time they've attempted this date since Hornby is always flaking out on her.

“I swear, if Yanny gets stood up one more time... I mean, why does she even like this guy? All he does is treat her like crap! His candyass isn't worth the trouble.”

“Try telling her that. It works wonders on paired missions, I tell you,” Halinor sighs, shutting her copy of _To Kill A Mockingbird_ and leaning back in her chair. She glances over at Kadma, who in turn is sprawled out on Halinor's silky earth-coloured bedsheets.

“Yanny's gone for this guy. She wants to hold onto hope, it's just how she is. She won't listen to us, so what? We'll still be there for her if things go wrong. It's what friends do.”

“I wish we could do _more,_ though,” Kadma protests. “I'd go guardian on his sorry ass if I could. Beat his ducktail in.”

“Violence isn't the answer.”

“It is in the Oracle's eyes. Why else would he give five teenage girls the power to destroy worlds?”

“Maybe because he trusts us to _save_ worlds instead?”

“There's no such thing as a good side in a war. Surely _you_ of all people get that.”

Halinor frowns. “I can be a pacifist in my own home if I want to be, K. Don't let the power to burn down villages fool you.”

Kadma closes her eyes and tries to ignore the strong scent of wood smoke (Halinor has such a distinctive smell, sweet and rusty and bitter at the same time, impossible for any other human being to replicate ever) as she murmurs, “Have you – I mean... have _you_ ever... gone with a boy?”

Halinor chews her lip and stares at the already dog-eared cover of her book. She fiddles with the purple ribboned bookmark Kadma has gotten her for her birthday. “I've only just turned fourteen, Kadma. I don't exactly... you know, think about boys like that.”

“You don't?” Kadma's heart picks up a little. She isn't sure why, but relief floods her. Maybe because she feels a little more normal now. “Me neither.”

Halinor blushes. “Really?”

For some reason, Halinor feels relieved too.

“Yeah. I just... when I look at boys, I just don't feel anything. Is it like that for you...?”

“Y-Yes, it is. Maybe we're just too young, or something?” Halinor stands up from her chair and moves over to her bed, plopping down beside Kadma. It's much more comfortable here, anyway. “Maybe we're supposed to have some grand epiphany. Maybe one day it'll just... click.”

Kadma rests her head up against Halinor's hips and voices the scary thought that floats around her head without mercy every time her and Halinor spend some time alone like this.

“...What if it doesn't?”

Halinor's lips part but no sound comes out. Wordlessly, she twists around so she faces Kadma.

“I'm sure it will. You'll find someone who will make you... very, very happy.”

_I think I already have._

Halinor hears that thought before she can close the floodgates to Kadma's thoughts spilling into her head. Her cheeks flush a pale rouge before she can help herself, and she instinctively looks away.

“Sorry,” whispers Kadma. She always knows when Halinor's presence is drifting through her head, doesn't she? It feels like home.

“No,” Halinor murmurs, “no, it's okay.”

_Then why doesn't it feel okay?_

“Halinor,” Kadma mutters, and she sounds a little strained, like she's seriously considering sprouting wings and breaking out through Halinor's French windows as she speaks. “Halinor, I need to tell you this before it gets weird, so w-we can just move past this already, or so you can drop me and pretend I don't exist anymore if it gets too much.”

Kadma, usually so certain of herself, sounds very afraid, and Halinor's heart aches. She knows, oh, she knows now.

“You don't have to,” she says gently, though her voice is trembling. She's scared of what will happen if Kadma _does_ say it. Will time stop? Will Kadma burst into flames of hell? Will Halinor throw up? Maybe, though it has to be from nerves – she could never, ever find Kadma sickening, there has to be another explanation for why her stomach is flipping backwards and forwards-

“I do.” Kadma speaks with such resolve, Halinor's fists clench.

“You don't,” she repeats, a little more firmly. “It's okay. We can save this.”

“I have to, Halinor!” Kadma springs up from the bed and begins to pace. There is a blush crawling up her cheeks, and her fingers are trembling. “Don't you understand?! This – everything – it's eating me up! I can't do this, not like everyone else can!”

“Kadma, please.” Halinor's voice is harsh, and it stops Kadma in her tracks. “Stop this nonsense. One day you will find a guy, and he will make you the happiest girl in the world. If you keep going like this – it's... it's only going to hurt you.”

“But Halinor, you have to listen to me, I lo-”

_He stood me up!! Again!_

Kadma stops mid word as Yan Lin's distraught tone rings through both of their heads. Halinor sighs, grateful for the interruption, and Kadma groans and pulls on her coat.

“I told you he was no good for her,” she snaps, before leaving Halinor's bedroom without so much as a goodbye.

 

…

 

_196 **2.**_

 

Damn, Halinor has to stop looking.

How can she help it, though? She's always thought Kadma is absolutely cherry – in a friendship kind of way, though. At least, she always figured it was in a friendship way.

She can't shake the feeling that it might be something more, though. Something she's been trying to keep concealed for well over a year now.

She knows she shouldn't be noticing the curves of Kadma's body when she's in her guardian form – it's wrong, to think these things. But then, it's wrong for teenage girls to be fighting a war, yet the Oracle has no qualms with sending out an army of five to protect the veil. There are so many things wrong with her life.

“What, did I rip something?” Kadma peers down at her guardian outfit questioningly, and Halinor's gaze travels down past her breasts and lands on the toned slither of her stomach. She really needs to stop staring.

“N-No. No, sorry. I was... distracted.”

_Cassidy to Halinor, you there?_

Halinor snaps to attention. She forgot she was in the middle of making a connection. If she weren't so good at concealing her thoughts, she's sure Cassidy would have heard all of her musings about Kadma's body.

_Sorry, I'm here. What were you saying?_

_I'm saying Nerissa just went AWOL on me and Yanny. Fuck! Do you know where she is? Can you find out for me?_

_Of course. I'll be back with you soon._

Halinor ends the connection and groans. Kadma glances up with raised eyebrows.

“Problem in paradise, Hal?”

“Nerissa's beat it somewhere. Cassidy is going nuts.” Halinor shakes her head. “Honestly, that girl... it's fine, I'll find her.”

“Wanna go search?” Kadma asks. “It's not exactly like anything is happening down here anyway.”

They were on guard duty, and the town they were guarding was a taciturn area that seemed devoid of any sort of excitement or joy. Being able to stretch her wings would be a relief.

“Sorry, K,” Halinor rejects with a slight smile. “Our best shot is finding her via psychic communication. Probably.”

“Figures,” mutters Kadma.

“But hey, if you can track her movements with the forests, please do. It'll save Cassidy some time if Nerissa's unresponsive to me.”

Halinor tunes in with the elements, searching for the voice of her friend. When she finally reaches Nerissa's head, everything sounds so faint, as though she's losing touch with herself.

_Nerissa? It's Halinor. Please, tell me where you are. Cassidy and Yanny are looking for you._

_Go away, I'm tracking a chase._

_Come on,_ Halinor presses, a little frustrated at how quick Nerissa is to push her away. _We're meant to be sticking to the plan, remember?_

_Screw the plan! Leave me alone, Halinor._

“She's not listening to me,” Halinor sighs, broadcasting the message both aloud to Kadma and psychically to Cassidy and Yan Lin.

“What else is new?” Kadma mutters.

 _What else is new?_ Cassidy says near simultaneously. _Ask Kadma to track her down. I'm getting really tired of this._

_Harmony, C. Harmony._

Trust Yanny to break out the harmony code at such a crucial time. Normally Halinor would agree with her, but Nerissa has been side tracking a lot lately.

“Kadma, you found her?” Halinor asks. She can't help her gaze sweeping over Kadma's guardian curves in that skirt. Goodness.

Kadma is away with the forest. Halinor loves the face she makes when she communicates with the trees – there are lots of things in the world that make Kadma tense, and this is the most relaxed Halinor ever gets to see her. She can't help but wonder what could be the thing to unwind her even further than nature, if there is such a thing.

Halinor really, really wants to kiss her.

“She's nearing the castle,” murmurs Kadma, and she's so relaxed yet so focused, so concentrated. “Tell Cassidy to get there now, we won't make it in time to stop her from doing something really stupid.”

“Roger that.” Halinor passes on the message, and then relishes in the calm silence of Kadma. She loves her friends, she really does, but sometimes Nerissa and Cassidy's bickering, whether friendly or not, can get exhausting. Quiet moments like these, just her and Kadma, feel like the most comforting thing in the world.

“Halinor, you're staring again.”

Kadma is in front of her suddenly, and Halinor is painfully aware of the way she is staring at Kadma's chest, the tiniest shadow of cleavage peeking out at her. She quickly snaps her gaze up to meet her eyes.

“Sorry, I just...”

_I love you._

“The thing is, I...”

Kadma watches her intently, and Halinor isn't sure if that last thought slipped through the clutches of her mental watershed or not. Finally, she stands up on her tiptoes, and their faces are so close, and it comes so naturally. It happens in such a quiet, normal moment.

When she pulls back, her face is flushed.

“Sorry,” she whispers.

Kadma just stares.

“No. No, you... you don't have to...”

“I was being silly. Forget it.”

And just like that, Halinor Clarkson has once again fucked up the perfect moment.

 

…

 

_196 **3.**_

 

“Somehow, I feel like we're the only ones here without a date,” Kadma muses, as she glances around The Silver Dragon. She's never thought Chinese food was romantic. Then again, until now she's only ever had Chinese food when she's been over at Yanny's place for dinner. The Silver Dragon is the first authentic Chinese restaurant in the Heatherfield area, and the locals seem to have taken to it. Of course, there are always the racist population staying well away from it, but the place is still booming.

All of The Golden Diner's regular customers have flocked in, resulting in a busy front house that has Yanny running back and forth between the kitchen and the tables without taking a breather once since the doors opened at six. Kadma swears she's seen Yan Lin using her power over air to push her around the floor when she's out of breath.

It's also extremely apparent now that The Silver Dragon's opening week happening to coincide with valentines day was no accident – Yanny's parents have very carefully calculated their success rate and taken advantage of the occasion. Originally Yanny had invited them over with the idea of her friends checking out her family's new menu, but it had quickly turned into a dinner for two when Nerissa and Cassidy announced they'd be bringing their dates round and thus were busy romancing with boys who only looked interested in affordable dining and aromatic food.

“Yanny doesn't have one,” Halinor disagrees, trying to be contrary. Beside them, Yan Lin is taking an order from a middle-aged couple who eye her authentic Chinese server uniform with disdain.

“That's cause she's busting tables.”

“It's still true. Two girls can go to a restaurant together, with the original intention of it being a group hang, without it being weird.”

Kadma sighs. “It's not like you weren't asked to go on a date. Yet you still chose to hang with me instead.”

“It wasn't a date, it was watching drag races with Paulie Tubbs all night.”

“It was a date and you know it! Why are you being so weird about it?”

This is what always frustrates Kadma about Halinor. She always knows what to do until it comes to love. She knows the answers to the practice higher math questions (Sheffield is making Kadma take remedial despite her IQ and desire to do higher, much like the other Asian students in her grade), she knows how to keep peace in the group, she knows when Kadma needs to step down and lose the battle (but who said anything about letting her lose the war?). But when it comes to romance... well, Kadma doesn't know what to think. Halinor always just shuts down when she brings it up.

Kadma is sure by now that she is a queer. She is sure that Halinor knows. To some degree, Kadma knows Halinor is, too. If only it wasn't so hard to articulate this.

“I'm not being weird, you are. Why try and make this a bigger deal than it is? We'll be lucky if we pass off as friends and not queers.”

That, admittedly, stings quite a bit. Truthfully Kadma wouldn't mind if people thought they were together, because people would take one look at Halinor and feel not disgust but envy. And wasn't it Halinor who kissed her that time six months ago? Ever since then she's been even more determined to pretend it never happened.

“You mean you actually _do_ care what people like your parents think? After all the preaching you do about them not understanding you?”

Halinor looks troubled, and she pushes around a piece of chow mein chicken on her plate. “I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, K. I'm just saying this might not be a safe place for people to make these assumptions.”

“For us or for them?” Kadma can feel her face growing hot at the implications of what Halinor is saying. “So you think I'd attack people if they talked bad at me.”

“I'm not _saying_ that,” Halinor groans, exasperated. “Kadma, can you please listen to me?”

“You should have just gone with Paulie Tubbs instead. I mean, a guy? Can you imagine how thrilled your parents would be?”

“Kadma, please!”

She thinks about the bracelet she weaved for a valentines day a few days ago, only to be too afraid to give it to her. She wonders what she's so afraid of – Halinor will never hate her, even if she pretends not to understand her – but something still makes her afraid of the consequences.

So she does what any earth guardian would do.

“I made a valentines day present for you, you know,” she snaps, reaching into her bag and slamming it down on the table with such force that sweet and sour sauce splashes her wrist. “Feel free to give it to Paulie Tubbs.”

Sometimes petty jealousy is the only way to fight a war, and Kadma reckons she certainly just accomplished it as she rises from her chair as gracefully as one can and storms to the bathrooms. She splashes water on her face and tries to calm down the plant beside her, which is just as agitated as she is. She can't stop thinking about the look on Halinor's face as she walked away – the hurt, and the surprise too.

_Why can't you just see how I feel? Why can't you just see how much I love you?_

Well, it's simple. She can never go out there again.

“Kadma?”

The door opens, but it's not Halinor.

“Yanny,” she utters, and she feels so stupid. She fights the tears rising, and grips the sink.

“The, the food didn't make you sick, did it?” Yan Lin asks worriedly, locking the door behind her before rushing over to Kadma's side. “B-Because, I only cooked like, three dishes, so if you could put off making a complaint until I get better-”

“It isn't the food,” snaps Kadma. She cringes and tries to hide her tears from Yan Lin. It's ineffective.

“Oh, K,” breathes Yan Lin, “what's wrong? Is it – is it a boy?”

“No,” Kadma chokes out. “No, it's not a boy.”

 

…

 

_196 **4.**_

 

It's that time again. The pivotal time of every slumber party where Cassidy curls up in the bed and asks pointedly who has a crush on who.

This time, Halinor is hosting the slumber party. Everyone loves Halinor's house – it's big, it's spacious, and it's well furnished due to her family's wealth. They've noticed a difference in Halinor's décor lately, however – she's seen some sort of change in herself, the sudden pull to turn against everything she knows in society. Gone are the neat sweater and gingham skirt combos, replaced by gogo boots, miniskirts and tie-dye.

Frankly, she's gone hippie, and none of the others know what to make of it. Cassidy's theory is that it's a boy who has converted her, which is precisely why she's so eager to launch into boy talk hour. It's barely even ten o'clock.

“Boy talk time! Come on, group circle, group circle,” Cassidy encourages, and Kadma bites back a groan and wedges herself between Halinor and Yan Lin. Nerissa sits beside Cassidy, looking bored.

“Remind me again why we're doing this?”

“Because! It's been, like, forever! And you're all so secretive about your crushes. Honestly.”

“That's cause there's nothing to talk about!” Nerissa exclaims. “I'm practising flute 24-7. College auditions will be taking place soon, so I need to be ready. And Yanny's too busy working.”

“Actually, there's this guy who keeps coming in who I think might be interested in me,” Yan Lin pipes up with a shy smile, and soon the discussion is back on track. However, a discussion about a guy who's only current defining trait is his love of lemon chicken and dreamy grey eyes can't sustain interest for very long, so Kadma knows the spotlight will turn to her very soon. Time to imagine up a crush that seems plausible. Fortunately, just copying Yan Lin's remedial math crushes two years later fools everyone who isn't paying attention for signs of something not being right, and today she has the perfect candidate.

“What about you, Kadma?” Cassidy asks. “Any new guy in your life?”

“Oh. I mean, Amed Singh is cute. But he's also a candyass, so I don't think I'm gone for him or anything.”

“Your standards are unreachable,” Cassidy whines. “I mean, I know us girls shouldn't settle for less, but still! Amed is a good-looking guy and he's funny, so why don't you like him?”

“He's not her type,” Halinor says with a knowing smile. Kadma wishes she could take that smile and kiss it right off.

“So who is, Hal?” Cassidy turns on Halinor now, eager for the truth. “You two are like, Boston married. Spill, I wanna know so I can set her up some time!”

“She likes reserved characters who believe in harmony. Particularly blondes,” Halinor supplies smugly.

“So a guy version of Halinor,” Yan Lin deadpans. Kadma snorts.

“Way off, better luck next time.”

“Anyway, we wanna know about _your_ new guy, Hal,” Cassidy inputs quickly. “I mean, that's why you've gone hippie on us, right?”

Halinor giggles. “Nope. This is about more than a crush, guys.”

“So explain it! I don't understand the appeal of wearing bellbottoms and baggy shirts when you could look... cute, instead.”

Halinor thinks hard. “Well... haven't you ever just, like, wanted to go against everything because something is happening in your life that makes you question everything you know?”

Kadma's heart picks up a little as Halinor's eyes flicker over to her for a heartbeat.

“You mean like becoming a guardian?”

“...Yeah, like that. And feminism. And the war. Our place in history... doesn't that make you want to fight for something?” Halinor exhales. “There are a lot of things going on right now, and I guess believing in peace and love are the only things I believe can help me through it all.”

“I'm going to get something to drink,” Kadma says, rising to her feet. Halinor follows suit and utters, “I'll show you where the drinks are. The kitchen's being remodelled, so.”

Uncaring, the remaining group return to talking about Yanny's new crush from the restaurant, and Kadma and Halinor descend the staircase in subdued silence, the sound of the Four Tops song playing on Halinor's record player still trickling down with them. When they get to the kitchen, it is surprisingly normal-looking.

“Remodelling?” Kadma questions, and Halinor giggles.

“It was an excuse, I'll admit. You looked like you wanted to talk.”

“You've been tempting me lately,” Kadma says simply, as Halinor runs her a glass of water. “I mean, you keep wearing your miniskirts without pantyhose when we're alone. Seriously, I know you're up to something.”

“Yeah, I might have been trying to get a reaction out of you,” Halinor admits with a sheepish grin. “I mean, I know I've been awful to you. I just didn't want you to lose interest in me, I suppose.”

“As if that could ever happen.” Kadma blushes and takes the glass, gulping it down so she doesn't continue to run her mouth.

“I mean, what I said up there was true. But I suppose fighting against society has been making me feel a bit better about... the way I am. How I feel about you.”

Kadma boldly asks, “And how _do_ you feel?”

A slim pale hand ghosts up her arm. “You know,” Halinor says in a quiet voice. “You know how I feel.”

“So why can't you just say it?” Kadma asks, even though she knows the answer. Halinor peers up, and her eyes are deep with all kinds of emotions. Love is there, amidst shame and fear and remorse.

“I just can't.”

“It doesn't have to be out loud,” Kadma promises. Halinor dips into her mind.

_You can say it to me here, Halinor. My dear friend._

_Not even here, K. I'm sorry. I need more time._

_What are you so afraid of? It's me, Hal. It's me._

Halinor chews her lip and looks so lost. Kadma's heart aches seeing her like this, and knowing that it _is_ tough to just say those three words together, especially for them, especially when they have so much to lose.

_Then say it with your lips._

Kadma leans down, and like the first time, their kiss happens at an ordinary moment, in a kitchen with running water and clinking glasses. They've always been together. When Halinor's not drawing designs on her, Kadma is singing love songs in her head. When Kadma isn't weaving bracelets Halinor is changing her entire lifestyle around for the sake of growing comfortable in her skin. It's beautiful and it's reciprocated. This time, Kadma knows this isn't just a nervous fluke of a kiss. This time, she can feel Halinor, really feel her.

When she pulls away, she is breathless, blushing and beautiful as she stares at Halinor's equally reddening face.

“So what does this make us?” she whispers.

“I don't know,” Halinor murmurs. She hugs Kadma close to her in earnest. “I'm really not sure, I just... I know that I want this. It's been long enough.”

Kadma can't believe her luck. Holy crap! It's finally happened!

“...Do you think Kandrakar discriminates towards girls like us?” Halinor asks somewhat casually as they move back upstairs, hand in hand.

“Well, if the Oracle is all-seeing surely he's already seen us,” Kadma says with a shrug. “If he had a problem with it he'd probably find some way to punish us. So far, I think we're good.”

Kadma pecks Halinor on the head, so softly, so quickly, that it feels like the breath of an angel.

_I love you so much._

Halinor's heart seems to stop, and their hands fall apart before they push open the bedroom door once more.

 

…

 

_196 **5.**_

 

“Why did you have to say that?” Halinor asks when they stop at the park on their route home. Study hall let out early due to the rain and the predictions of a heavy storm coming, so Kadma has no idea why Halinor wants to discuss this now when they could be discussing it any other time, preferably in a dry and warm location.

“Say what?” she mutters, but she knows.

“That girls going with girls is gross! Why did you say that?” she splutters, turning on Kadma. Hippie Halinor refuses to dress for any weather other than sunny, so she is getting drenched right now. And she's furious.

“Don't flip your wig! _You're_ the one who cares about what our friends think and don't want them mistaking you for a homosexual – which you _are,_ I might add – in case they think we're gross! I don't see why I'm the bad guy here!”

“Because I-I was trying to do what you always tell me to do, I was trying to show you and everyone else that I _don't_ have anything against it!”

“Well, either way they don't think we're together like that, so I suppose today was a success!” Kadma snaps, sarcasm dripping from her voice. She hates rain, she hates shitty days and she hates when Halinor picks a fight with her, however rarely it happens.

“I thought you'd be happy to see me defending how we are,” Halinor sulks. She hugs her soaked poncho to herself protectively. “I thought you'd be impressed. I don't know why.”

“Hal, of course I was happy.” Kadma sighs. “I was just – I was just trying to keep our cover, like you always tell me we should. I didn't mean to... make you upset. I really was happy.”

Halinor ducks under a nearby bus stop and lets out a sob, before closing her eyes.

“Normally it doesn't bug me so much, but I think Cassidy might know,” she admits. “I'm worried what she'll say, so I guess I just wanted to get my feelings across.”

“Wait, Cassidy knows?! How?!” Kadma is shocked, and an icy feeling sits heavily in her stomach. She stands beside Halinor and pulls her into a sodden half-hug. Instinctively, Halinor begins to warm them up. Fire guardian, and all. “We've been so careful.”

“Last Friday, in the classroom,” Halinor murmurs. Ah, Kadma remembers. It was awesome. Some kissing, and then right before they left, some over the shirt groping. Paradise. “Cassidy must have stopped by after swim practice and seen us. She can't stop thinking about it.”

“Damn it,” mutters Kadma. “Do you think she's going to tell Nerissa and Yanny?”

“I don't think so. She just seems curious, that's all. I guess that's why she was asking all of those questions.” Halinor sighs and wipes her eyes. “I'm really scared, K. She might do it without meaning to, and then what do we do? I don't know how Yanny will take it, but you know Nerissa won't be happy.”

“She can climb it, then,” Kadma spits.

“You don't mean that.”

“Yes I do. I put up with her bullshit all the time, she can put up with us just this once.”

Halinor's hand rubs against hers, testing the waters.

“Do you think we're going to be okay?” she asks quietly. Kadma reaches over to squeeze her hand tightly.

“Of course we are,” she says fiercely. “If Nerissa can't take it, her loss. She's been acting weird lately anyway. Always booking it on missions and leaving us to bite the dust.”

“What if she tells my parents?”

“Halinor, I don't think she cares enough to do that,” Kadma says with a sigh. “Nerissa is... distant. I don't think she cares enough about us to report us to anybody.”

It hurts to think about, but Halinor knows Kadma is right. Nerissa has changed, no matter how hard they try and hold onto her old self. Sometimes she wonders just how long they can keep going as guardians. As a team. As friends.

“Still. I feel like everything's changing so fast, and... I don't know if we'll ever get to be honest with them.”

Kadma tilts her head down and sneaks a kiss behind the cover of the shelter.

“We will, Hal. I promise, we will.”

The words go unspoken, and for once, Kadma doesn't really mind. Instead, she murmurs, “You mean so much to me.”

Halinor smiles shyly and leans up for a kiss of her own.

“Likewise, dear friend.”

 

…

 

_and then_

 

…

 

_196 **6.**_

 

Halinor has been waiting for this day for a long time. She has been away at liberal arts college for the past semester, but her parents are out of town for a second honeymoon after renewing their wedding vows, meaning that she has been called back to house sit for the long weekend. Of course, the first thing she did was try and organise a group sleepover – but ever since she lost the heart of Kandrakar Nerissa has been more distant than usual, and apparently Cassidy had other plans. Yan Lin also couldn't get out of working the evening shift at the restaurant.

Of course, the next thing she did was steal a bottle of her father's best wine, change her bedsheets and telepathically invite Kadma to come round. Kadma, who has stayed on at Heatherfield Community College, has jumped at the chance.

She's there at six o'clock to the very second, and she's picked up dinner from The Silver Dragon.

“Hey there,” Halinor greets.

“Hey there yourself,” Kadma sends back, and Halinor is tackled into a bone-crushing hug. Kadma nearly drops the cartons of food as she hugs Halinor close to her. “God, I missed you.”

“Likewise,” Halinor laughs, and she shuts the front door before leaning up to kiss Kadma. “You have no idea how tired I've gotten of guys drawing designs on me. I need you to act as my shield against all men like you used to.”

“Very funny. At least the movement's working out for you?” Kadma gestures to Halinor's choice of clothing, tassels and floral print everywhere, and Halinor grins.

“Like what you see? You'll be seeing even less of it in a few hours.”

Kadma, the stoniest-faced girl Halinor has ever met, blushes and averts her eyes.

“So frank. College has changed you, Hal.” After clearing her throat, she utters, “Why wait hours when we could just go right now?”

“Well, I don't want the food to get cold,” Halinor points out, protesting innocence.

“How could a fire guardian ever end up with cold food?”

“Ever heard of food poisoning, K? Can't risk reheating some stuff, especially when I haven't made it myself.”

“A valid point.” Kadma kisses her again and strolls into Halinor's kitchen like she owns the place. Halinor honestly wouldn't mind if she did. “Where're the plates again?”

“Won't the cartons do?”

Kadma raises her eyebrows and if she weren't holding Chinese food in both hands they would be planted on her hips. “Excuse me? What kind of a date would I be if I didn't at least serve up our romantic candle-lit dinner on actual crockery?”

“Well, you've got me there.”

So they eat a candle-lit dinner of Chinese food and wine, and they talk. About college, their families, their new friends, the guardians... the conversation grows slightly stale when they hit the unmentioned topic of Nerissa's demotion, and what it means for them, and why two childhood friends who have practically grown up sisters are now no longer on speaking terms, and all because of a magic talisman. And what does that mean for the rest of them? What is Nerissa without the heart? Is she still a guardian?

There are a lot of questions, so instead, Halinor puts a Four Tops record on and they ease back into the mood again. Many kisses are exchanged over dinner, and after their plates are cleared and they've done the dishes together (who knew fire guardian powers dried off plates so easily? They should have done this years ago) Halinor leads Kadma upstairs to her room. It's starting to get dark, and they're a little buzzed from the wine. Kadma even trips on a step and bursts out laughing at the idea that she's even managed to get that far.

They change into their pjs, and slip into opposite sides of Halinor's bed. They've done this for years. It's normal sleepover behaviour, right? So why does it feel so nerve-wracking this time?

Halinor rolls over to Kadma and starts to giggle. It's only just 9 PM, why are they already in bed? It seems so silly to her, but then Kadma leans over to kiss her and she realises why. It's been far too long since they've done _anything_ together, and even lying in bed at 9 PM is fun when she can feel Kadma's hand searching for hers under the covers.

“Wanna try something new?” Halinor asks with a mischievous grin, and she props herself up with one elbow.

“Okay?” Kadma agrees with a shrug. She raises an eyebrow. “Care to elaborate?”

“I found something out at college. We had a drinking party, and I found out how girls... go all the way.”

Kadma shoots up, nearly butting heads with Halinor (thank goodness for guardian reflexes) as she does so. “Woah. That sure was subtle.”

“I thought you _liked_ easy me,” Halinor jokes, but she's feeling a little silly for bringing it up. “It was only an offer, you know. You don't have to take me up on it.”

“It's not that I don't want to,” Kadma says quickly, “it's just... I guess it's _that time_ for me, so to speak.”

“Oh.” Halinor blushes and lies back down. “Forget I said anything.”

“Hal, I want to, okay? I do, I just... don't really want to do it right this second.” Kadma wiggles closer to her, closing the gap between them and squeezing her hand. “We have the rest of our lives to do that. I'm really excited for it. I mean... thank you, for finding it out.”

“Hey, my pleasure. I need to learn these things so we don't go into them lost and afraid. At my college, people don't make a huge deal out of stuff like that, so I'm trying to learn what I can while the knowledge is available to me.”

Kadma grins up at her and utters, “You know dating isn't a school subject, right? You don't have to cram for it your whole life. Anything we don't know, we can figure out some other time. I mean,we're guardians of the veil! I'm sure we're more than capable of figuring out how girls do it.”

Halinor takes in every last little detail of Kadma in this moment – her faded plaid pyjamas which obviously used to belong to her older brother, the smooth curve of her nose, the deep blue-grey of her eyes that stare so intently at Halinor. She really, really loves her, Halinor realises. And it's about time she told her that.

“I love you,” she murmurs, and the weight of her words is infectious, spreading a grin across her features. “You're outta sight. You're mad. I mean, what does being a guardian of the veil have to do with knowing how two girls do it?”

“Well, why not?” Kadma asks. “We know plenty of things others don't know. It may not be strictly guardian business, but...”

Halinor dissolves into giggles, and presses her face into Kadma's neck. It smells strongly of roses, dizzyingly so, and it makes her laugh harder.

“You're the mad one, not me,” Kadma sighs, shaking her head, and when Halinor finally calms down, she is met by a chaste kiss. “...I love you too, Halinor. I know that it's not been easy for us, and that probably won't change for a long time, but I think if it's us, we can do it.”

“Of course we can,” Halinor agrees, resting her head against the comfort of Kadma's shoulder. “It's us, remember? Kadma and Halinor, the inseparable.”

“Right. I'm with you, until the very end. Okay?” Kadma feels like no matter how many times she says this, it needs to be said more, just so Halinor really knows how strongly she feels.

Halinor smiles into Kadma's neck and hugs her a little tighter.

“And I you, my dear friend.”

 

…

 

Two hours later, they are in Kandrakar. Cassidy is dead. Nerissa is imprisoned. The Oracle is being unreasonable.

Kadma is still slightly dizzy from the wine, and she is _angry,_ angry at the way the Oracle is calling Cassidy's death a tragedy, as though it isn't a murder dirtying _his_ hands too. Nerissa may be the one who carried out the deed, but the Oracle gave her the motive.

This time, when Kadma opens her mouth to argue, Halinor holds her hand.

 

**Author's Note:**

> there are a few more kalinor fics coming up. this was supposed to be completed for femslash february but clearly that didn't happen. still, it's mushy and romantic, something we need more of when it comes to these two. happy shipping!


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